It's an interesting premise and I like how you weaved in elements of discrimination into it. The transition effect was also very satisfying.
Overall, I think the pace could've been slowed down a bit. There's a lot of exposition in a very short amount of time (ex. opening scene ended before I even realized what was going on). In natural dialogue, characters need time to think and reason. But a lot of times the characters here immediately arrive at conclusions, making it almost like talking to a computer.
There's also a decent amount of telling, especially about how the Wraiths work and such. It's essential to the story, but the way it's currently presented puts a hamper on how interesting it feels. There needs to be a balance between spoon feeding the reader and letting them figure things out on their own.
Overall, it's a solid project, but like some of the other entries, has a story that is more suited for a larger/longer project.
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Damm no Android cant play
It's an interesting premise and I like how you weaved in elements of discrimination into it. The transition effect was also very satisfying.
Overall, I think the pace could've been slowed down a bit. There's a lot of exposition in a very short amount of time (ex. opening scene ended before I even realized what was going on). In natural dialogue, characters need time to think and reason. But a lot of times the characters here immediately arrive at conclusions, making it almost like talking to a computer.
There's also a decent amount of telling, especially about how the Wraiths work and such. It's essential to the story, but the way it's currently presented puts a hamper on how interesting it feels. There needs to be a balance between spoon feeding the reader and letting them figure things out on their own.
Overall, it's a solid project, but like some of the other entries, has a story that is more suited for a larger/longer project.
The bear might be a zombie...
But I still wanna fuck it.
(Joke comment)
This was a really cool story! The Undead zombie hunter is a cool archetype.